You could have mentioned...

I'm not usually the huge advice-dispensing machine. I generally tend toward the idea that unless I see someone truly struggling with something, they probably know what they're doing better than I do (Certain people reading this, you can stop laughing now. You are the exception.) Also, I really hate unsolicited advice most of the time, so I assume that most everyone else does too.

But sometimes I REALLY wish someone would have told me before I screwed it up on my own. Pregnancy and birth are among those times. So today I'm going to share a few things I screwed up in hopes that you (or some unsuspecting pregnant person you know) won't have to say, "You could have mentioned that a month ago."

You could have mentioned that I should shop around a little more for a doctor. Really. You could have. I went with the first one I thought of, at what I thought was a really great hospital. No one told me that I needed to check their c-section stats, their policies regarding delivery, their reputation with birthing mothers. I didn't have any close friends that had babies at the time, so there was no one to tell me that. I'm telling you. Choose your doctor with the same amount of discrimination that you would use for a babysitter. You are entrusting your LIFE and your baby's to a stranger. Make sure they deserve that trust.

You could have mentioned I should have had the carseat installed by a professional. Truly. Since Toby was born a couple of weeks before we were expecting, we didn't get the carseat till after he was born. And my poor husband and dad were stuck installing it in the backseat of our two-door Civic without the benefit of any professional advice. Or any research on my part. And then the idiots at the hospital made them take it out again so we could bring the baby downstairs in it. For some reason, they just assumed we were using a baby carrier style of seat. So I'm telling you, research the thing that could potentially save your child's life.  Find a CPST near you and get some education about car seats. 

You could have mentioned there are certain things you should not eat right after having a baby. TMI alert for the queasy. Pooping after birth is an ordeal. I mean, a huge ordeal. The very last thing you should eat after giving birth are things that are going to make you gassy or constipated. What you need is a good meal or three full of fiber. So when you saw me sending my husband to Panera for BROCCOLI CHEESE SOUP, you could have mentioned that wasn't such a great thing to eat before I'd had my first post-baby poop. So I'm telling you, pack a bag of dried fruit and granola bars for your after-baby breakfast. You're going to need it.

You could have told me I could request a new L&D nurse. And a different OB in the hospital. You could have told me I had the right to refuse treatment. Of course I knew that on some intellectual level. But let's face it, a woman who has been up all night with a broken bag of waters and no real pattern of labor is not in a position to access her intellectual patterns of thought. You could have mentioned that I needed to go in prepared for a fight. I'm mentioning that to you. Be your own advocate. Some doctors and nurses are not there with your best interests at heart, so you have to stand up for yourself.

You could have mentioned that I would never sleep again. Seriously. Between two a.m. nursing, my own paranoia, and the insomnia that comes with parenthood (seriously, I think we all have it), I haven't slept a full night in six years.  So I'm telling you, enjoy sleep while you can.  They steal it. 

You could have told me I would be sucked into my own little world and never have time for anyone else.  I thought having a baby would be fun, that I could tote him along on my lunches with friends, that I could do everything I did before, just now with a cute little accessory.  No.  I no longer have friends, I have potential babysitters.  So I'm telling you now, keep cultivating your friendships.  You never know how long you have them for.  One day, you could wake up and realize you haven't put any time into your relationships and you don't have any left. 

And no one ever told me that it could literally take two years to finish a blog post.