Whirlwind. That's the most accurate way I can describe much of the last few years. We've worked so hard to keep our heads above water that we ended up missing out on life.

This is most evident to me as I watch Malachi and enjoy this time in his life. He's just shy of two now, and he's such a riot. I love his expressions, how he laughs and plays. I love how he tries to make me laugh no matter what. Thinking back two years ago, I realize I barely even remember Toby at this age. I don't know if it's just time passed or what we were going through then. I remember being very tired, stressed, and always frustrated with him. What happened between then and now?

I think a lot of it has to do with change. When Toby was about to turn two, Malachi was being born. I was looking at the calendar and realizing that winter was coming. Our house didn't have heat, and I worried about keeping them warm. We were not in a good place in our marriage. Not to bore anyone with unnecessary details, but it was just bad all around. We were on the brink. And we never had time. Nathan's job kept him away twice as much as he was home, and he was always tired.

It's different now. Nathan is still looking for work, but we are optomistic. We live with his parents right now, but it's not nearly as stressful to me as one would think it should be. I'm working two jobs, but it makes me appreciate the boys even more instead of making me too exhausted to see them. And I was told by a guy that I work with last week that he wants to go out to dinner with us so we can tell him how to have a good marriage. In two years, we've gone from the brink of disaster to the couple someone else is looking to for advice.

I can't pinpoint everything that has changed, but I do know one thing for sure. It is so much better to depend completely on God. That's what has changed in me. At that time, I was determined that it was my job to fix it. And I was overwhelmed because I knew I couldn't. What a difference a couple of years makes! I have to wonder where we would be if we had continued on the path we were taking.

And I wonder what I will say when I look back two years from now.