When Self-Righteousness Trumps Compassion

In a past life, I was a high school cafeteria lady. One year, when we were getting things ready for the first week of school, I witnessed something really disturbing. The teachers were gathered in the cafeteria for a workshop on bullying. We were stopped for a lunch break, and I watched the teachers as they watched the video and discussed the issue. At the back row was a group of male teachers, most of them coaches. The entire time, these men snickered and muttered to one another under their breath about how much of a waste of time this was for them, and making fun of the children featured in the video.
I was appalled. Not shocked, because I had been through it. I knew what it was like to be bullied, and to have teachers either join in or sit back and watch as it happened.

Fast forward to last week. In the same school district, just a few miles away, a fourteen year old boy hanged himself because he had been mercilessly bullied from the time he was in elementary school. Coincidence? I think not.

According to the Tennessee Equality Project, Phillip Parker's former teachers had witnessed how he had been tortured at the hands of bullies from very early on.

"While attending Saturday's conference, H.G. Stovall and I met a former teacher who knew Phillip while he attended Gordonsville Elementary School. Tears flowed as she told us that Philip had endured years of anti-gay bullying at the school and that bullying in general at Gordonsville Elementary School often goes unaddressed by faculty and staff. She knew of several students who had to transfer to other schools to escape the harassment."

Phillip was bullied because he was gay. Kids are bullied because they are small, because they are big, for the color of their skin or hair, for being poor or having a different kind of style. They are bullied because of who their parents are or are not, what kinds of things they believe or read, the things they like or don't like. Kids are bullied for all kinds of reasons. It so happened Phillip was bullied because he was gay.

I'm going to set the record straight for anyone else who is like me, a Christian who believes that homosexuality is not part of the plan for his children. NO one has the right to single out a child who identifies as gay. The scriptures we believe in do not condone bullying, taunting, condemning, or anything else of the sort, especially toward children. If we do it as adults, you better believe our children will do it to other children. STOP IT NOW! Teach your kids that while we may disagree with how someone lives their life, we have no right to belittle them for it. Our job and our joy as Christians is to live a life of love and compassion, and pray for the Spirit of God to fall on our communities and foster a spirit of understanding rather than confusion. It is the job of the Holy Spirit to convict, not ours. It will be the job of God himself to condemn, not ours. And doing any of these things in the name of God is blasphemy, it is the very definition of taking God's name in vain.

In addition to our responsibility to stop this kind of behavior, it is also our responsibility to understand something about sin. There is no sin worse than another. When the lists of different kinds of sin are mentioned in scripture, sexual sin is in the same category as gossip, malice, slander, and a whole host of other sin that Christian society deems "okay." Besides that, homosexuality is not the only kind of sexual sin. Are you one of those Christians who says it's not a big deal for an engaged couple to go ahead and move in together and live as if they are married before they are? Or that maybe it's detestable for teenagers to engage in premarital sex, but it's a different story for consenting adults? Scripture says differently. Do you dance as close to the "line" as possible? The Bible says you are to stay FAR far away from it. So as Jesus says to the Pharisees, let him who is without sin cast the first stone.

Having been involved with a church in this community, my heart is grieved for this child and his family. I understand what it's like to be different, to not have much in common with them. I was there. I have seen the attitudes that brought about the bullying he endured. And sadly, I have worked with some of the adults that were charged with his safety and education. In large part, they are a community of people who believe in God, but who have very little compassion or understanding toward people who are different, people who might have a different perspective. There are of course those who behave differently, who strive to make a difference. I commend them, and I pray that God works through them to foster a spirit of compassion, a community effort to make sure kids like Philip know they are loved unconditionally by the God who created them.

I also pray that the rest of the kids who are bullied at that school and the others in the district find support. Whether the bullying is because of their race, appearance, interests, religion, or in fact their sexual orientation, they have a voice that needs to be heard.

I Resolve...

The weeks before Christmas have always been hectic for me. I am always full of regret when Christmas is over because I didn't really take time to enjoy it like I should. I've been working retail too long for that, I suppose. I always say, "We'll do better next year," and write out plans of how this will be accomplished. Somewhere along the way, I lose that piece of paper in the busy-ness of life and never get around to carrying out our carefully laid out plans to make Christmas meaningful.

And then there's New Year. Resolutions almost always include eating healthier, losing weight, being a better mom and wife, getting organized, being on time, etc.

No more. Let me tell you what happened to me this year.

The day after Christmas, I had to be at work at 7:30 am to change our promos. It was raining, and I was about to turn onto the street where I work. A car came speeding across the intersection and couldn't stop in time, and hit me. I'm fine, and his minor injuries were likely caused by his airbags and failure to wear a seatbelt. I didn't get checked out that day, but my OB appointment last week showed that everything was fine with Leah as well.

The problem is that our family no longer has a vehicle. The damage to our only car was enough that it's not really worth fixing. My genius mechanic father in law is working on finding us something, but it might be another week before we have a vehicle.

If you've ever had your independence taken from you, you understand how I feel right now. Not only do we not have a home of our own to live in, we have to depend on others for things as simple as getting to and from work and doctor's appointments. Also, because we don't have a car, we can't really go looking for a place to rent. I'm learning to depend on others for help. And this is a new concept for me.

It's funny that it would take something like that to make me see it. My life is not determined by my plans, my resolutions, my desires. No matter what I want, something will always get in the way. And I am not in control. No matter how much I try to be, no matter how responsible I am, I am not in control of the other people and circumstances in my life. People make their own decisions, and circumstances can't always be changed.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not a fatalist or a determinist. I do believe that God has given us all of the tools we need to live our lives, that he 0nly allows us to endure what he gives us the ability to handle. But the key word here is God.

I am learning that I can only overcome my circumstances when I am dependent completely on the resources God provides. When I try to depend on myself, I will fail. I will get frustrated because I am unable to do it on my own. So if I have a resolution this year, that would be it. I know I have goals that I want to accomplish in the next twelve months: Get a car and a place to live, get Toby and Nathan into school, lose weight (I'm estimating at least fifteen pounds by April), etc. But a real change I want to make in my life, a new leaf I want to turn over would be to spend more time depending on God's provision alone. It is only through his grace that I will overcome.