I'm not usually the huge advice-dispensing machine. I generally tend toward the idea that unless I see someone truly struggling with something, they probably know what they're doing better than I do (Certain people reading this, you can stop laughing now. You are the exception.) Also, I really hate unsolicited advice most of the time, so I assume that most everyone else does too.
But sometimes I REALLY wish someone would have told me before I screwed it up on my own. Pregnancy and birth are among those times. So today I'm going to share a few things I screwed up in hopes that you (or some unsuspecting pregnant person you know) won't have to say, "You could have mentioned that a month ago."
You could have mentioned that I should shop around a little more for a doctor. Really. You could have. I went with the first one I thought of, at what I thought was a really great hospital. No one told me that I needed to check their c-section stats, their policies regarding delivery, their reputation with birthing mothers. I didn't have any close friends that had babies at the time, so there was no one to tell me that. I'm telling you. Choose your doctor with the same amount of discrimination that you would use for a babysitter. You are entrusting your LIFE and your baby's to a stranger. Make sure they deserve that trust.
You could have mentioned I should have had the carseat installed by a professional. Truly. Since Toby was born a couple of weeks before we were expecting, we didn't get the carseat till after he was born. And my poor husband and dad were stuck installing it in the backseat of our two-door Civic without the benefit of any professional advice. Or any research on my part. And then the idiots at the hospital made them take it out again so we could bring the baby downstairs in it. For some reason, they just assumed we were using a baby carrier style of seat. So I'm telling you, research the thing that could potentially save your child's life. Find a CPST near you and get some education about car seats.
You could have mentioned there are certain things you should not eat right after having a baby. TMI alert for the queasy. Pooping after birth is an ordeal. I mean, a huge ordeal. The very last thing you should eat after giving birth are things that are going to make you gassy or constipated. What you need is a good meal or three full of fiber. So when you saw me sending my husband to Panera for BROCCOLI CHEESE SOUP, you could have mentioned that wasn't such a great thing to eat before I'd had my first post-baby poop. So I'm telling you, pack a bag of dried fruit and granola bars for your after-baby breakfast. You're going to need it.
You could have told me I could request a new L&D nurse. And a different OB in the hospital. You could have told me I had the right to refuse treatment. Of course I knew that on some intellectual level. But let's face it, a woman who has been up all night with a broken bag of waters and no real pattern of labor is not in a position to access her intellectual patterns of thought. You could have mentioned that I needed to go in prepared for a fight. I'm mentioning that to you. Be your own advocate. Some doctors and nurses are not there with your best interests at heart, so you have to stand up for yourself.
You could have mentioned that I would never sleep again. Seriously. Between two a.m. nursing, my own paranoia, and the insomnia that comes with parenthood (seriously, I think we all have it), I haven't slept a full night in six years. So I'm telling you, enjoy sleep while you can. They steal it.
You could have told me I would be sucked into my own little world and never have time for anyone else. I thought having a baby would be fun, that I could tote him along on my lunches with friends, that I could do everything I did before, just now with a cute little accessory. No. I no longer have friends, I have potential babysitters. So I'm telling you now, keep cultivating your friendships. You never know how long you have them for. One day, you could wake up and realize you haven't put any time into your relationships and you don't have any left.
And no one ever told me that it could literally take two years to finish a blog post.
Tuesday, May 13, 2014
Annnnnd.... We're done
This blog was fun. It was. But I think it's time to move on. I will eventually start up a new chapter, one about being a working mom, the call to ministry, and my journey. But for right now, I'm going to say I'm NOT a blogger.
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
When Self-Righteousness Trumps Compassion
In a past life, I was a high school cafeteria lady. One year, when we were getting things ready for the first week of school, I witnessed something really disturbing. The teachers were gathered in the cafeteria for a workshop on bullying. We were stopped for a lunch break, and I watched the teachers as they watched the video and discussed the issue. At the back row was a group of male teachers, most of them coaches. The entire time, these men snickered and muttered to one another under their breath about how much of a waste of time this was for them, and making fun of the children featured in the video.
I was appalled. Not shocked, because I had been through it. I knew what it was like to be bullied, and to have teachers either join in or sit back and watch as it happened.
Fast forward to last week. In the same school district, just a few miles away, a fourteen year old boy hanged himself because he had been mercilessly bullied from the time he was in elementary school. Coincidence? I think not.
According to the Tennessee Equality Project, Phillip Parker's former teachers had witnessed how he had been tortured at the hands of bullies from very early on.
"While attending Saturday's conference, H.G. Stovall and I met a former teacher who knew Phillip while he attended Gordonsville Elementary School. Tears flowed as she told us that Philip had endured years of anti-gay bullying at the school and that bullying in general at Gordonsville Elementary School often goes unaddressed by faculty and staff. She knew of several students who had to transfer to other schools to escape the harassment."
Phillip was bullied because he was gay. Kids are bullied because they are small, because they are big, for the color of their skin or hair, for being poor or having a different kind of style. They are bullied because of who their parents are or are not, what kinds of things they believe or read, the things they like or don't like. Kids are bullied for all kinds of reasons. It so happened Phillip was bullied because he was gay.
I'm going to set the record straight for anyone else who is like me, a Christian who believes that homosexuality is not part of the plan for his children. NO one has the right to single out a child who identifies as gay. The scriptures we believe in do not condone bullying, taunting, condemning, or anything else of the sort, especially toward children. If we do it as adults, you better believe our children will do it to other children. STOP IT NOW! Teach your kids that while we may disagree with how someone lives their life, we have no right to belittle them for it. Our job and our joy as Christians is to live a life of love and compassion, and pray for the Spirit of God to fall on our communities and foster a spirit of understanding rather than confusion. It is the job of the Holy Spirit to convict, not ours. It will be the job of God himself to condemn, not ours. And doing any of these things in the name of God is blasphemy, it is the very definition of taking God's name in vain.
In addition to our responsibility to stop this kind of behavior, it is also our responsibility to understand something about sin. There is no sin worse than another. When the lists of different kinds of sin are mentioned in scripture, sexual sin is in the same category as gossip, malice, slander, and a whole host of other sin that Christian society deems "okay." Besides that, homosexuality is not the only kind of sexual sin. Are you one of those Christians who says it's not a big deal for an engaged couple to go ahead and move in together and live as if they are married before they are? Or that maybe it's detestable for teenagers to engage in premarital sex, but it's a different story for consenting adults? Scripture says differently. Do you dance as close to the "line" as possible? The Bible says you are to stay FAR far away from it. So as Jesus says to the Pharisees, let him who is without sin cast the first stone.
Having been involved with a church in this community, my heart is grieved for this child and his family. I understand what it's like to be different, to not have much in common with them. I was there. I have seen the attitudes that brought about the bullying he endured. And sadly, I have worked with some of the adults that were charged with his safety and education. In large part, they are a community of people who believe in God, but who have very little compassion or understanding toward people who are different, people who might have a different perspective. There are of course those who behave differently, who strive to make a difference. I commend them, and I pray that God works through them to foster a spirit of compassion, a community effort to make sure kids like Philip know they are loved unconditionally by the God who created them.
I also pray that the rest of the kids who are bullied at that school and the others in the district find support. Whether the bullying is because of their race, appearance, interests, religion, or in fact their sexual orientation, they have a voice that needs to be heard.
I was appalled. Not shocked, because I had been through it. I knew what it was like to be bullied, and to have teachers either join in or sit back and watch as it happened.
Fast forward to last week. In the same school district, just a few miles away, a fourteen year old boy hanged himself because he had been mercilessly bullied from the time he was in elementary school. Coincidence? I think not.
According to the Tennessee Equality Project, Phillip Parker's former teachers had witnessed how he had been tortured at the hands of bullies from very early on.
"While attending Saturday's conference, H.G. Stovall and I met a former teacher who knew Phillip while he attended Gordonsville Elementary School. Tears flowed as she told us that Philip had endured years of anti-gay bullying at the school and that bullying in general at Gordonsville Elementary School often goes unaddressed by faculty and staff. She knew of several students who had to transfer to other schools to escape the harassment."
Phillip was bullied because he was gay. Kids are bullied because they are small, because they are big, for the color of their skin or hair, for being poor or having a different kind of style. They are bullied because of who their parents are or are not, what kinds of things they believe or read, the things they like or don't like. Kids are bullied for all kinds of reasons. It so happened Phillip was bullied because he was gay.
I'm going to set the record straight for anyone else who is like me, a Christian who believes that homosexuality is not part of the plan for his children. NO one has the right to single out a child who identifies as gay. The scriptures we believe in do not condone bullying, taunting, condemning, or anything else of the sort, especially toward children. If we do it as adults, you better believe our children will do it to other children. STOP IT NOW! Teach your kids that while we may disagree with how someone lives their life, we have no right to belittle them for it. Our job and our joy as Christians is to live a life of love and compassion, and pray for the Spirit of God to fall on our communities and foster a spirit of understanding rather than confusion. It is the job of the Holy Spirit to convict, not ours. It will be the job of God himself to condemn, not ours. And doing any of these things in the name of God is blasphemy, it is the very definition of taking God's name in vain.
In addition to our responsibility to stop this kind of behavior, it is also our responsibility to understand something about sin. There is no sin worse than another. When the lists of different kinds of sin are mentioned in scripture, sexual sin is in the same category as gossip, malice, slander, and a whole host of other sin that Christian society deems "okay." Besides that, homosexuality is not the only kind of sexual sin. Are you one of those Christians who says it's not a big deal for an engaged couple to go ahead and move in together and live as if they are married before they are? Or that maybe it's detestable for teenagers to engage in premarital sex, but it's a different story for consenting adults? Scripture says differently. Do you dance as close to the "line" as possible? The Bible says you are to stay FAR far away from it. So as Jesus says to the Pharisees, let him who is without sin cast the first stone.
Having been involved with a church in this community, my heart is grieved for this child and his family. I understand what it's like to be different, to not have much in common with them. I was there. I have seen the attitudes that brought about the bullying he endured. And sadly, I have worked with some of the adults that were charged with his safety and education. In large part, they are a community of people who believe in God, but who have very little compassion or understanding toward people who are different, people who might have a different perspective. There are of course those who behave differently, who strive to make a difference. I commend them, and I pray that God works through them to foster a spirit of compassion, a community effort to make sure kids like Philip know they are loved unconditionally by the God who created them.
I also pray that the rest of the kids who are bullied at that school and the others in the district find support. Whether the bullying is because of their race, appearance, interests, religion, or in fact their sexual orientation, they have a voice that needs to be heard.
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
I Resolve...
The weeks before Christmas have always been hectic for me. I am always full of regret when Christmas is over because I didn't really take time to enjoy it like I should. I've been working retail too long for that, I suppose. I always say, "We'll do better next year," and write out plans of how this will be accomplished. Somewhere along the way, I lose that piece of paper in the busy-ness of life and never get around to carrying out our carefully laid out plans to make Christmas meaningful.
And then there's New Year. Resolutions almost always include eating healthier, losing weight, being a better mom and wife, getting organized, being on time, etc.
No more. Let me tell you what happened to me this year.
The day after Christmas, I had to be at work at 7:30 am to change our promos. It was raining, and I was about to turn onto the street where I work. A car came speeding across the intersection and couldn't stop in time, and hit me. I'm fine, and his minor injuries were likely caused by his airbags and failure to wear a seatbelt. I didn't get checked out that day, but my OB appointment last week showed that everything was fine with Leah as well.
The problem is that our family no longer has a vehicle. The damage to our only car was enough that it's not really worth fixing. My genius mechanic father in law is working on finding us something, but it might be another week before we have a vehicle.
If you've ever had your independence taken from you, you understand how I feel right now. Not only do we not have a home of our own to live in, we have to depend on others for things as simple as getting to and from work and doctor's appointments. Also, because we don't have a car, we can't really go looking for a place to rent. I'm learning to depend on others for help. And this is a new concept for me.
It's funny that it would take something like that to make me see it. My life is not determined by my plans, my resolutions, my desires. No matter what I want, something will always get in the way. And I am not in control. No matter how much I try to be, no matter how responsible I am, I am not in control of the other people and circumstances in my life. People make their own decisions, and circumstances can't always be changed.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not a fatalist or a determinist. I do believe that God has given us all of the tools we need to live our lives, that he 0nly allows us to endure what he gives us the ability to handle. But the key word here is God.
I am learning that I can only overcome my circumstances when I am dependent completely on the resources God provides. When I try to depend on myself, I will fail. I will get frustrated because I am unable to do it on my own. So if I have a resolution this year, that would be it. I know I have goals that I want to accomplish in the next twelve months: Get a car and a place to live, get Toby and Nathan into school, lose weight (I'm estimating at least fifteen pounds by April), etc. But a real change I want to make in my life, a new leaf I want to turn over would be to spend more time depending on God's provision alone. It is only through his grace that I will overcome.
And then there's New Year. Resolutions almost always include eating healthier, losing weight, being a better mom and wife, getting organized, being on time, etc.
No more. Let me tell you what happened to me this year.
The day after Christmas, I had to be at work at 7:30 am to change our promos. It was raining, and I was about to turn onto the street where I work. A car came speeding across the intersection and couldn't stop in time, and hit me. I'm fine, and his minor injuries were likely caused by his airbags and failure to wear a seatbelt. I didn't get checked out that day, but my OB appointment last week showed that everything was fine with Leah as well.
The problem is that our family no longer has a vehicle. The damage to our only car was enough that it's not really worth fixing. My genius mechanic father in law is working on finding us something, but it might be another week before we have a vehicle.
If you've ever had your independence taken from you, you understand how I feel right now. Not only do we not have a home of our own to live in, we have to depend on others for things as simple as getting to and from work and doctor's appointments. Also, because we don't have a car, we can't really go looking for a place to rent. I'm learning to depend on others for help. And this is a new concept for me.
It's funny that it would take something like that to make me see it. My life is not determined by my plans, my resolutions, my desires. No matter what I want, something will always get in the way. And I am not in control. No matter how much I try to be, no matter how responsible I am, I am not in control of the other people and circumstances in my life. People make their own decisions, and circumstances can't always be changed.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not a fatalist or a determinist. I do believe that God has given us all of the tools we need to live our lives, that he 0nly allows us to endure what he gives us the ability to handle. But the key word here is God.
I am learning that I can only overcome my circumstances when I am dependent completely on the resources God provides. When I try to depend on myself, I will fail. I will get frustrated because I am unable to do it on my own. So if I have a resolution this year, that would be it. I know I have goals that I want to accomplish in the next twelve months: Get a car and a place to live, get Toby and Nathan into school, lose weight (I'm estimating at least fifteen pounds by April), etc. But a real change I want to make in my life, a new leaf I want to turn over would be to spend more time depending on God's provision alone. It is only through his grace that I will overcome.
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
If you think Christmas is all about the kids, you've missed the point.
There, I said it. Call me a Grinch or a Scrooge or whatever you want to. But that's what I think about it.
I keep coming across this idea that Christmas is all about making children happy, that all of the decorations and gifts and lights are just for them. The prevailing mindset seems to be that everything grownups do from the last week of November through December 26 is for the children. And that it's the way it should be.
Maybe I'm just weird, but I'm of the opinion that Christmas should be enjoyed by everyone, no matter their age. Maybe it's because I never had Santa Clause as a child. Maybe my parents "ruined" Christmas too early for me. Or maybe I'm the only one that gets it. Regardless of the reason, I'm here to tell you that I am a 25 year old mom of two (or three or four, depending on how you want to count), and I have no doubt that Christmas is for me, too.
You see, I have grown up with a totally different perspective on Christmas than many kids my age did. We didn't have Santa. I'm not sure all of the reasons my parents didn't do Santa, but I'm grateful to them. Around Christmastime, we always focused on the story in Luke chapter 2. My parents have been in ministry my whole life, so we celebrated Christmas with songs about Emanuel, Christmas pageants that always included a little baby in a manger scene, a very breakable nativity set that I loved to look at and play with very carefully. Yes, we had presents. My parents sacrificed a lot (probably more than they should have some years) to make sure we had Christmas presents in our stockings and under the tree. But that was not usually the focus, even in our young hearts. The focus was that God came to us, became one of us, so that he could save us.
One of my favorite Christmas movies is "The Best Christmas Pageant Ever." Have you ever seen it? This rough and tumble family with six kids starts coming to church because they heard there were snacks. Through a series of events, they end up with all of the principal roles in the Christmas pageant. As a result, they learn the true meaning of Christmas in a way most adults still have yet to grasp. "HEY! Unto you a child is born!"
That means YOU, too!
I keep coming across this idea that Christmas is all about making children happy, that all of the decorations and gifts and lights are just for them. The prevailing mindset seems to be that everything grownups do from the last week of November through December 26 is for the children. And that it's the way it should be.
Maybe I'm just weird, but I'm of the opinion that Christmas should be enjoyed by everyone, no matter their age. Maybe it's because I never had Santa Clause as a child. Maybe my parents "ruined" Christmas too early for me. Or maybe I'm the only one that gets it. Regardless of the reason, I'm here to tell you that I am a 25 year old mom of two (or three or four, depending on how you want to count), and I have no doubt that Christmas is for me, too.
You see, I have grown up with a totally different perspective on Christmas than many kids my age did. We didn't have Santa. I'm not sure all of the reasons my parents didn't do Santa, but I'm grateful to them. Around Christmastime, we always focused on the story in Luke chapter 2. My parents have been in ministry my whole life, so we celebrated Christmas with songs about Emanuel, Christmas pageants that always included a little baby in a manger scene, a very breakable nativity set that I loved to look at and play with very carefully. Yes, we had presents. My parents sacrificed a lot (probably more than they should have some years) to make sure we had Christmas presents in our stockings and under the tree. But that was not usually the focus, even in our young hearts. The focus was that God came to us, became one of us, so that he could save us.
One of my favorite Christmas movies is "The Best Christmas Pageant Ever." Have you ever seen it? This rough and tumble family with six kids starts coming to church because they heard there were snacks. Through a series of events, they end up with all of the principal roles in the Christmas pageant. As a result, they learn the true meaning of Christmas in a way most adults still have yet to grasp. "HEY! Unto you a child is born!"
That means YOU, too!
Thursday, November 24, 2011
'Tis the season
Today is Thanksgiving, the day when we traditionally give thanks to God for the blessings he has bestowed on us, enjoy the bounty of harvest, and watch football. In the past couple of decades, something else has crept into our Thanksgiving traditions. Have you noticed it? It's the annual planning of the Black Friday shopping excursion.
I'm sure almost everyone knows what Black Friday is and why, but I feel the need to give a little explanation tonight. The time between Thanksgiving and Christmas is obviously the biggest shopping season of the year. Therefore, if a retail company has been in the "red" for most of the year, Christmas shopping will bring them back up into the "black." As you well know, the media has helped this process along by hyping up the deals that retailers offer and covering the chaos that is Black Friday shopping. At first, retailers would shockingly open at 6am to catch the early birds with great "doorbuster" deals. How could another retailer compete with that? By opening at 5am, of course. This competition has led to what is now being dubbed this year as "Black Thursday," when some stores such as Walmart and Toys R Us are opening as early as 9 and 10pm on Thanksgiving night.
Which is an awesome thing for companies, and for some customers who are looking for great deals. And arguably great for the economy, which we all know could use a little help these days. But is it really so great in the long run?
As I have been gearing up for work tomorrow, I have to wonder what this kind of consumerism does to us as a people, and to us specifically as Christians? I look at my precious little ones and think about how I want to make Christmas so special for them this year, since we've been through so much in the past several months. But when I think about the ways I can do that, it seems none of them really include toys or movies or games. I want to find creative and fun ways to teach my kids about what Christmas really is all about. For me, what that means is carefully explaining why we decorate, letting them play with a kid-friendly nativity set, teaching them to be generous and kind to others, and telling them the story of Christ's birth and our redemption. Of course, the will get toys. There will be puzzles and games, pajamas and sweaters, cars, and maybe a movie (anyone know if Cars 2 is on DVD yet?). But those are extra things. They are not what Christmas is about.
As you are standing in line and getting online for your deals this weekend, please remember a few things.
First of all, be nice to your cashiers and retail workers. Contrary to popular belief, most of them have not chosen this as their life's work. They have taken whatever job they could because they had few other choices. Yes, we all know the downsides when we apply for retail. But you don't have to make it worse for them. Also, keep in mind that since many of them were hired specifically for the Christmas season, they may not be as knowledgeable as you think they should be. Some of us who have been doing this for years are overwhelmed. The newbies are even more so. Be patient.
Secondly, tip well. Did you know that as minimum wage has gone up for most everyone else, the standard federal minimum wage for servers is still $2.13 per hour? And even though restaurants are required to make sure their servers are being tipped enough to equate to minimum wage, many still don't. The industry standard for tips is now 18%. Of course, you will have the occasional rude or hard to find server. But if you can see that your server is working hard to take care of all of their customers, make sure you give them a fair tip. Most of them are working very hard and long hours and need that extra couple of bucks more than you know. Fun fact: It is a well known fact that Sundays are horrible for servers because church people are horrible tippers. Don't be that customer.
Third, make an effort to keep Christmas what it is supposed to be. As I stated earlier, it is NOT about the deals, the presents, the endless lists of friends and family members. It is about Christ, about celebrating family, about being content with what you have (okay, that was today, but it goes for the rest of the year as well). It may sound strange coming from a retail associate to say things like that, as I can only have a job as long as my companies are making money. But it is no less true. So pay attention to what it's really all about. It's so easy to get caught up in the crazy. Don't let it steal your real Christmas joy.
I'm sure almost everyone knows what Black Friday is and why, but I feel the need to give a little explanation tonight. The time between Thanksgiving and Christmas is obviously the biggest shopping season of the year. Therefore, if a retail company has been in the "red" for most of the year, Christmas shopping will bring them back up into the "black." As you well know, the media has helped this process along by hyping up the deals that retailers offer and covering the chaos that is Black Friday shopping. At first, retailers would shockingly open at 6am to catch the early birds with great "doorbuster" deals. How could another retailer compete with that? By opening at 5am, of course. This competition has led to what is now being dubbed this year as "Black Thursday," when some stores such as Walmart and Toys R Us are opening as early as 9 and 10pm on Thanksgiving night.
Which is an awesome thing for companies, and for some customers who are looking for great deals. And arguably great for the economy, which we all know could use a little help these days. But is it really so great in the long run?
As I have been gearing up for work tomorrow, I have to wonder what this kind of consumerism does to us as a people, and to us specifically as Christians? I look at my precious little ones and think about how I want to make Christmas so special for them this year, since we've been through so much in the past several months. But when I think about the ways I can do that, it seems none of them really include toys or movies or games. I want to find creative and fun ways to teach my kids about what Christmas really is all about. For me, what that means is carefully explaining why we decorate, letting them play with a kid-friendly nativity set, teaching them to be generous and kind to others, and telling them the story of Christ's birth and our redemption. Of course, the will get toys. There will be puzzles and games, pajamas and sweaters, cars, and maybe a movie (anyone know if Cars 2 is on DVD yet?). But those are extra things. They are not what Christmas is about.
As you are standing in line and getting online for your deals this weekend, please remember a few things.
First of all, be nice to your cashiers and retail workers. Contrary to popular belief, most of them have not chosen this as their life's work. They have taken whatever job they could because they had few other choices. Yes, we all know the downsides when we apply for retail. But you don't have to make it worse for them. Also, keep in mind that since many of them were hired specifically for the Christmas season, they may not be as knowledgeable as you think they should be. Some of us who have been doing this for years are overwhelmed. The newbies are even more so. Be patient.
Secondly, tip well. Did you know that as minimum wage has gone up for most everyone else, the standard federal minimum wage for servers is still $2.13 per hour? And even though restaurants are required to make sure their servers are being tipped enough to equate to minimum wage, many still don't. The industry standard for tips is now 18%. Of course, you will have the occasional rude or hard to find server. But if you can see that your server is working hard to take care of all of their customers, make sure you give them a fair tip. Most of them are working very hard and long hours and need that extra couple of bucks more than you know. Fun fact: It is a well known fact that Sundays are horrible for servers because church people are horrible tippers. Don't be that customer.
Third, make an effort to keep Christmas what it is supposed to be. As I stated earlier, it is NOT about the deals, the presents, the endless lists of friends and family members. It is about Christ, about celebrating family, about being content with what you have (okay, that was today, but it goes for the rest of the year as well). It may sound strange coming from a retail associate to say things like that, as I can only have a job as long as my companies are making money. But it is no less true. So pay attention to what it's really all about. It's so easy to get caught up in the crazy. Don't let it steal your real Christmas joy.
Friday, October 21, 2011
Whirlwind. That's the most accurate way I can describe much of the last few years. We've worked so hard to keep our heads above water that we ended up missing out on life.
This is most evident to me as I watch Malachi and enjoy this time in his life. He's just shy of two now, and he's such a riot. I love his expressions, how he laughs and plays. I love how he tries to make me laugh no matter what. Thinking back two years ago, I realize I barely even remember Toby at this age. I don't know if it's just time passed or what we were going through then. I remember being very tired, stressed, and always frustrated with him. What happened between then and now?
I think a lot of it has to do with change. When Toby was about to turn two, Malachi was being born. I was looking at the calendar and realizing that winter was coming. Our house didn't have heat, and I worried about keeping them warm. We were not in a good place in our marriage. Not to bore anyone with unnecessary details, but it was just bad all around. We were on the brink. And we never had time. Nathan's job kept him away twice as much as he was home, and he was always tired.
It's different now. Nathan is still looking for work, but we are optomistic. We live with his parents right now, but it's not nearly as stressful to me as one would think it should be. I'm working two jobs, but it makes me appreciate the boys even more instead of making me too exhausted to see them. And I was told by a guy that I work with last week that he wants to go out to dinner with us so we can tell him how to have a good marriage. In two years, we've gone from the brink of disaster to the couple someone else is looking to for advice.
I can't pinpoint everything that has changed, but I do know one thing for sure. It is so much better to depend completely on God. That's what has changed in me. At that time, I was determined that it was my job to fix it. And I was overwhelmed because I knew I couldn't. What a difference a couple of years makes! I have to wonder where we would be if we had continued on the path we were taking.
And I wonder what I will say when I look back two years from now.
This is most evident to me as I watch Malachi and enjoy this time in his life. He's just shy of two now, and he's such a riot. I love his expressions, how he laughs and plays. I love how he tries to make me laugh no matter what. Thinking back two years ago, I realize I barely even remember Toby at this age. I don't know if it's just time passed or what we were going through then. I remember being very tired, stressed, and always frustrated with him. What happened between then and now?
I think a lot of it has to do with change. When Toby was about to turn two, Malachi was being born. I was looking at the calendar and realizing that winter was coming. Our house didn't have heat, and I worried about keeping them warm. We were not in a good place in our marriage. Not to bore anyone with unnecessary details, but it was just bad all around. We were on the brink. And we never had time. Nathan's job kept him away twice as much as he was home, and he was always tired.
It's different now. Nathan is still looking for work, but we are optomistic. We live with his parents right now, but it's not nearly as stressful to me as one would think it should be. I'm working two jobs, but it makes me appreciate the boys even more instead of making me too exhausted to see them. And I was told by a guy that I work with last week that he wants to go out to dinner with us so we can tell him how to have a good marriage. In two years, we've gone from the brink of disaster to the couple someone else is looking to for advice.
I can't pinpoint everything that has changed, but I do know one thing for sure. It is so much better to depend completely on God. That's what has changed in me. At that time, I was determined that it was my job to fix it. And I was overwhelmed because I knew I couldn't. What a difference a couple of years makes! I have to wonder where we would be if we had continued on the path we were taking.
And I wonder what I will say when I look back two years from now.
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